Gratitude Attitude Part 2

In Gratitude Attitude Part 1 we looked at:

• Developing Understanding
• The Value of Chores
• Exposure to Differences
• Benefits of Gratitude

Healthy Limits

Cloud and Townsend teach that a child needs both gratification and frustration: Their need for love, connection and care must be met and this helps build a sense of trust in the parent. When our children are babies, they are dependent on us for everything. As they grow older we give them increasing freedom, space and choices. But we must limit them and this frustrates them. We shouldn’t dole out all that they want or they will have an unbalanced view of themselves seeing themselves as the centre of the universe.¹

Mother Ogre

Generally speaking when a child gets what she wants she thinks herself entitled and that her parents are good. When she doesn’t, she sees herself as a victim or deprived and parents are bad. One needs to tolerate being the “bad” parent.

There was many a time I ended the day in exhaustion, saying to Bruce, “I’ve been ‘mother ogre’ today!” I was tired but it wasn’t self-deprecation. I had just needed to set limits and bear the brunt of our children’s grief over not getting their way. I knew it had to be done and it wasn’t pleasant but I am so glad I persisted because I was rewarded eventually with very appreciative children. I am still enjoying that reward.

If we have let our child play “god” for a while, it is harder to break their sense of grandiosity. Start early. If we are being worn down by the child then seek support. It is better not to have a limit than to have one that is not kept. Why? Because when the child wears down the parent and gets his way it reinforces his sense of “godhood”. His sense of entitlement will grow and he will become the ‘ogre’. For more on entitlement see Amy McCready and my post on Consequences.